In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
do herpes really smell.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
