Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Vodka?
Forever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
