Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize