I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize