Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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