dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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