We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i think i just lost a toe
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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