I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
