Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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