She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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