yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
