What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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