When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
