I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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