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• (323): View more from California

  You know you want to come over later

  (1-323): View more from California

  1:27a: Um no

  (1-323): View more from California

  1:45a: Maybe

  (1-323): View more from California

  2:05a: Probably

  (1-323): View more from California

  2:38a: I'm outside, let me in

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• (650): View more from California

  I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark

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• (530): View more from California

  We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Oh god...probably.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.

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• (707): View more from California

  Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.

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• (619): View more from California

  He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."

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• (779): View more from Illinois

  Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...

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