I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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