if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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