That's intense
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
