why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
