I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
