My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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