i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
