a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
