Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
