Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
