So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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