$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
