Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
