my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
