why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
