You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
