Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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