Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
