Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
