so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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