We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
