I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
