So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
