meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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