Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
