The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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