I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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