Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
