Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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