But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
