I'm so fucking centered right now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize