i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
