it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
