Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
