it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
