So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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