Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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