thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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