so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
