You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
