She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
