Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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