I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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