so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
