yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
