I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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