Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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