i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
