I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
