Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then he tried to convert me to islam
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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