I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
