Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
